Date:	2007-11-03 02:38
Subject:	it takes some loss before you find it.
Security:	Public
Mood:	listless

i miss the 906. like whoa. i feel like moving out of that house was like breaking up from a long-term relationship 5 times. and then we spent 3 months not talking to each other and now we hang out randomly to get coffee or drunk.

it's weird how much happened in that house.

i wish this year were last year. but the opposite as well.

i miss dance parties, jessie playing the guitar, hippie parties, 60 people i know and love singing bohemian rhapsody around my kitchen table while jho dances on the bar, cuddle parties, slanty roofs, poetry readings, sebastian and pasque flower reunions, acoustic guitar night, the one night when all 5 girls were in the house at once alone, the killers, grilling out (two whole times!!), ebay all the time, an art table, post-it notes, space, whale-y, and derbs.

things are changing.

why is honesty so hard?

i miss you stephen tyler davis. i want to hear you sing poison ivy. and that is truth.

a creative mind without discipline is a complete waste.

sarah, don't be a punk.

I CAN GRADUATE IN MAY!!!!!!

oh no... what am i going to do??

Date:	2007-10-17 00:54
Subject:	new rule.
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed

clean room. fresh start. no more drinking on weeknights.

Date:	2007-10-06 01:24
Subject:	yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

here we go through the edge and out into the empty....






i love allison jenks!!!!!!!!!

Date:	2007-07-18 18:15
Subject:	pip pip, cheerio, and mr. whippey
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

i am in fact alive.

new york has been great, excessive work for little pay, but amazing folks and fun trips.

i work with 8 lovely people in my costume shop, 4 of which are british and too much fun. i will have fun slang when i come home.

we're coming to the end of the second of three sessions. i have designed footloose, the cell, cry havoc, and copcabana. so, 80s, nuns, soldiers, and showgirls. quite fun indeed. but 2 more to go.

new york city and i are becoming much better freinds. i've seen mary poppins and hairspray. honestly, mary poppins blew my mind. hairspray, not so much.

there is a bar within walking distance of camp. and that is dangerous and lovely all at the same time. 21 is everything i thought it would be.

i live in the attic of a "restored" hotel with 3 other people, all from different countries.

i miss home and real food. i miss my boy. i miss friends and i miss tuscaloosa, strangely enough. but no worries i suppose because in only 4 weeks. i will be back. and i am having a swell time.

let me know if you're ever near new york city!

love you all!!!!!!!

Date:	2007-06-02 01:19
Subject:	birthday!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

i did a really terrible job of saying goodbye to people before i left.

to everyone, i had a amazing year and can't wait to see bright shining faces again and watch those that are leaving move on to big and fantastic things. my birthday was phenomenal, so thank you to all involved. let's all agree to have plenty of stories to share in 3 months!!!!!

come play with me in new york!!!

my boyfriend rocks.

Date:	2007-05-24 14:06
Subject:	thank you mom and dad.
Security:	Public
Mood:	stuck in my house

i am an awful daughter. no respect. no appreciation. no reciprocated affection. no thought. no giving. my parents rock face. and i suck.

thus, i am home.

i will be leaving for new york next saturday. there isn't enough time to play with everyone that i need to play with. especially when i'm in montgomery without a vehicle.

i will be 21 in 7 days and if you're going to be in tuscaloosa, i suggest you come play with me.

i miss the rotiders.

Date:	2007-05-03 23:46
Subject:	'you' as in a general 'you,' but if you take it personally, awesome.
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted

i don't know what this phase is exactly. why everything i read has some deeper meaning and i'm able to completely devour words and their various assemblies, sometimes magnificent. why every time i hear someone say anything close to entertaining or profound, i have to write it down. why everything seems creepily relevant and easily applied to my daily conflict of thought. why i read quotations aloud and talk out their wonderfulness to others. i don't know why things are so inspiring or why i can't not be deep and obnoxious about everything. why i keep my friends awake until all hours of the night rambling to them about nothing more than the things i think about that i think are cool. but that's where i am right now and i guess have to hang out here until i'm ready to move on. i'm doing better lately, keeping most of it for me instead of pestering others, but it's still there. i guess i just a hit a very intense spot of growing up. where things can and do make complete sense, but are sometimes completely devoid of sense. i don't know why i've been so scattered. i don't know why i can't make myself get my shit done until 5 minutes before it has to be done. why i've been so backstage on life recently. why if you get me in the right mood, i can't shut my freaking mouth. i even think about how much i'm talking as i'm talking, i guess trying to keep myself in check, but it all comes pouring out no matter how hard i try to shut the h up. i don't know why. but it would be great to know that you're willing to be patient with me until i can figure it out and know that maybe i never will, but it will be alright. i promise i'm not confused or slacking or running away. i'm only changing. i am still here to help, no matter what your need. all you have to do is ask and then just have a little faith.

Date:	2007-04-26 00:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

if it ain't then it don't
if it cain't then it won't

and that's just the way it is




week of freedom... interesting.


god, i love allison moy.


I would like to hold your hand
as we're shifted through this twisted abandon
I would like to think that you'd know your way
we have dodged the ropes of rain
well the cats and dogs well they love to play
on the handsome fella with umbrella
who once saved you your day
and I will ask you to open my door from your side
from the inside after you drive
because I wanna stay wet for a little bit longer
that's why
I warm the engine compartment up
while I stand here and think it up
but it's a little too early to bury the worries
til this wish is my command

And I wonder, wonder which one of us
is gonna state the obvious
And I wonder if you already know
that I gotta let you go
I know this ain't the way I planned it
I guess I ain't the great romantic
and i'm not doubling back now
no doubling back
doubling back now

Well before I catch you complaining that it hardly rains at all
let me stop to lock my top
for fear of it falling harder
by the eyes were ears and the arms are
scars of where the war was waged on words that we heard as a joke
how did it drown our love
oh love
when it rains it's sure to pour
but when I look in your eyes
I fear I won't see surprise
that i'm not doubling back cause

I wonder, wonder which one of us
is gonna state the obvious
and then I wonder if you already know
that I gotta let you go
I know this ain't the way I planned it
I guess I ain't the great romantic
and i'm not doubling back now
no doubling back now...

Astair your glare is killing me
Astair in skies of blue
The signs you wear are making me
So confused

But the mountains and the trees
Are they just what you need
Or are they less than what
You'd expect to see

And if you're leaving well come
Give me reason why I let you down
Before you turn around now
Before you turn around

Astair you're there and I'm still here
I swear I'm so confused
The signs you wear are making me
Feel like I'm the one to lose

But the canyons and the seas
Are they just what you need
Or are they less than what
You'd expect to see

And if you're leaving well come
Give me reason why I let you down
Before you turn around now







oh, time....

my throat hurts and my nose is slowly getting stuffy.

i've sneezed 7 times in the past hour. considering my average sneeze rate... this is not a good sign.

i need home. i need mom and dad and movies and blankets. i need there to be no drama and no awkward hanging out at places where i don't feel quite comfortable yet and wondering why i'm not at the places where i used to play so comfortably. i need to feel like home is still home even though family changes.

and is family really changing? when will i feel comfortable enough to call these people family? ah, god i worry too much.

oh growing up... how difficult you are...

i need to be taken care of.



is it thursday yet?

Date:	2007-04-11 00:05
Subject:	continuous present.
Security:	Public
Mood:	good

do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you're disappointing someone?
and you're wearing that thin disguise, well don't apologize.
i wonder who told the ocean "you can only go this far."







gertrude stein will introduce my novel/play/memoir...


"There are many that I know and they know it. They are all of them repeating and I hear it. I love it and I tell it. I love it and now I will write it. This is now a history of my love of it. I hear it and I love it and I write it. They repeat it. They live it and I see it and I hear it. They live it and I hear it and I see it and I love it and now and always I will write it. There are many kinds of men and women and I know it. They repeat it and I hear it and I love it. This is now a history of the the way they do it. This is now a history of the way I love it."

Date:	2007-04-05 01:05
Subject:	today was long. long. i mean long.
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

guys, have a little faith in me please. that's all i ask. it shall be returned.

Date:	2007-04-02 19:17
Subject:	about a boy.
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

Had to find some higher ground.
Had some fear to get around.
You can say what you don't know.
Later on won't work no more.

Last time through I hid my tracks.
So well I could not get back.
Yeah my way was hard to find.
Can't sell your soul for peace of mind.

Square one, my slate is clear.
Rest your head on me my dear.
It took a world of trouble, took a world of tears.
It took a long time to get back here.






one can only hope.

i don't know. but it's alright.



it's april fool's day. have fun.

Date:	2007-03-26 16:50
Subject:	APO
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

alright.

let's take a moment and collect ourselves, shall we?

i think that instead of livejournal posting about our grievances within APO, why not request of your officers to have a chapter meeting where, like civilized adults, we can all discuss our concerns with this organization and its future.

we've reached a point in the life of this organization where it is time to pause and think before we move forward. but i do not think the place to do that is on live journal. but yes, it is your journal, and i respect that.

but i'm ready to talk about it if you are, i guarantee we're thinking the exact same thing.

let's have a meeting.

please read some nice lyrics.


The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left them, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. and I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "there is nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. In fact, I'm sure. Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."

So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainder, our lives are fractions of a whole. But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty then. We would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

Date:	2007-03-18 09:28
Subject:	ok...
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

what the hell?

i'm so confused. (can see smiley icon for clarification)

Date:	2007-03-16 16:20
Subject:	ok...
Security:	Public
Mood:	peaceful

i am over being angry at spring break and plan to dance through the rest of my time springing and breaking.

i am angry at this spring break. very angry.